I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize