just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
