It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
