We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
