Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
