I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
