I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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