You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Farmville is her only friend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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