porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
