Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
