I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
