I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
