I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
