If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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