we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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