we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
