Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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