he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
