Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
