wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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