If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i think my cat just said my name.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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