We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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