Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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