I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
