I want to have your abortion
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
