So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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