i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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