Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
