eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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