i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
