This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize