I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
