I puked a lego.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The beer is more important than you right now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Randomize
