he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
