Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
