my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
