walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
