my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i came on her dog
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
