I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
