Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
