you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
