So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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