Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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