People with herpes should wear stickers.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
