my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They are going to name an STD after you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
