omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think your dad took our porno
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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