ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My life is pants optional.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
