There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
