sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
