I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
