Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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