I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
