My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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