When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
