Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
