I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
