I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
