GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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