Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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