just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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