No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
