summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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