watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
