garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
