Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
