It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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