My friends, they love my intelligence
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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