I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
