super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
