Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
