why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
