I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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