My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
