I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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