im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
