The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
