2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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