Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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