Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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