But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
