I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
