Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize