In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
