Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
