it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
