If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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