Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
