he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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