3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
