dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
