i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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