am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
