I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
