i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
