Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
