sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize