My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
