He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
