Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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