i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
