I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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