based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
