Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
