I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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