I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Randomize
