So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize