I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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