My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize