I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
