Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
