I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
