I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
