There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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