you told grandpa to call you daddy
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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