Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize