Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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