I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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