Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
